That would be an existential matter

I can’t stand it any longer. Every “groovy” new act to come out the arse of the music industry has supposedly grown from some underground movement on the internet. Manufactured? Who Lily Allen? Of course not. What Sandi Thom? Don’t be stupid. What Arctic Monkeys? How dare you. They’re all very real, raw and talented don’t you know.

So where’s the proof? The internet fan base of course (come on, keep up). Forget that Lily Allen’s Dad is rich and famous. Forget that Sandi Thom had an expensive PR team market her crap for years. Also try to forget that not all her legendary “web casts” actually went ahead and even now her internet ‘fan base’ is pretty hard to find. Forget that one of The Arctic Monkeys is related to the main guy on MTV who decides the play lists. Go one, forget it all you gullible cunts. Go buy their records and believe all their working class crap.

Sandi Thom’s web casts were the only way a poor girl could compete against the music industry? Lily Allen, the down to earth-tell-it-how-it-is girl who doesn’t actually have a wealthy and well connected father? The Arctic Monkeys who are so very working class they sing about being on a buses and drinking on the weekends?

Pfft. I’ve seen less manufactured television sets. ARSES. The lot of them.

You can’t update your blog when you have no internet access because your mate has been promising for SEVEN MONTHS to come round and look at your faulty connection.

Watched the Karate Kid yesterday. Genuine quote from the film:

Daniel (Karate Kid): This is my new car, get in.

Ali (Elizabeth Shue): You want me to drive???

Daniel: Hey, yeah sure, it’s the 80s.

Blimey. How forward thinking. Women driving. The 80s sure was crazy.

I might have bitten off more than I can chew on this one. I’m bracing myself for a backlash so vicious, Gary Glitter would be envious. Still, someone’s gotta teach them kids how to read and write… so why not let it be a semi-dyslectic moron like myself?

Still this neatly leads me into my rant about the gutter press this week. The middle England tabloids have been out in force berating the so-posh-it-must-be-illegal-I-mean-look-at-the-guy-he-wears-deck-shoes-for-Chirst’s-sake David Cameron on his policy of understanding youth. I mean, what an outrageous proposition. To try to understand young people. The Daily Mail and Daily Express nearly spilt their Earl Grey when they heard this. Cue seven days worth of “Hooded Youths Stole My House, Raped My Dog and Shat in the Mouth of My Dying Grandmother” to prove just how evil the young really are. I mean, look at them, they wear hooded tops.

The demonisation of the young has always gone on. It’s only natural to get pissed off with a new generation taking your place in the park getting leathered on the cheapest cider man can make. But in the last few years, it’s got ludicrous. Searching children’s lunchboxes to confiscate fast food. Random drug testing in schools. Banning the young from shopping centres based solely on their clothes. No other demographic gets royally shagged up the arse by the Government or media.

When they were about to extend the licensing laws, The Daily Mail ran article after article about how the young would go into a drinking frenzy with “photographic evidence” in the form of shambolic town centres at kicking out time to prove their point. All well and good, but they couldn’t get their bigoted minds around the fact that it was a universal kicking out time that caused all the shit. The licensing laws hadn’t even changed at that point, so what were they on about?

Well, I’ve never liked the Tories. But Cameron’s onto something. I, like all my mates did all that “anti-social” crap. I also wore hoodies (as well as a terrible plant pot hat and an overcoat I found in a skip - true story) and no-one I know’s grown into a career criminal. No-one I know has even mugged anyone. Hanging around in groups and being bored is what kids do. In fact, it’s kinda what their forced to do. If they were allowed in pubs more, (not shitty youth centres) they’d be off the street and having a wicked time with older people who can kick off if they act in a wankish way*. (In all honesty, I haven’t really thought that idea through, best disregard it). Nonetheless, Cameron’s right. Still, don’t think for a second I’m ever gonna vote Tory.

* Ah, The Fifth Columnist…

Once upon a time, if you clicked through some of the links under ‘people’, you’d have come across Ben Vandecar’s blog he was writing from Italy. However, I removed it as no-one ever lread it anymore since he stopped updating it some time ago, seduced into a world of pasta, suits and curly moustaches. Mmm, pasta suits…

Anyway, he used to have a website dedicated to pics drawn by people on Microsoft Paint. So, inspired by my last post I’m stealing his idea and setting up an ad-hoc Microsoft Gallery. Um… in dedication, or something. If anyone has any pics they’ve drawn by Bill Gate’s creative tool (uhuhuhuh), send them to me and I’ll put them up. Also, if you don’t have my email, post it as a comment and I’ll transfer it onto the main page. Or a url will do.

Anyway, if we get enough entries, I’ll declare an eventual winner and I will give them a blog-related price. Honestly. It’ll be like a bit of history nobody cares about. Amazing.

If you put a set of walkman headphones in your pocket, no matter how carefully you put them in, when you take them out they will be impossibly tangled.

Arrgghh! I’ve got so much to write but neither have time, nor have the right pics or graphics. Bloody blogs. Bloody stress. Why do I feel like I never do anything but never have time to do anything either? Is that to do with getting old? Anyway, here’s a preview of some of the things I wanted to talk/rant/comment/make mocking statements about:

Wanted to go on about some gigs I saw, with several don recommendations for some post / art rock bands.

Wanted to ramble about Pete’s Feed Me link and how it’s caused some serious shit to go down, BLOG STYLE. More about this later.

Begrudgingly wanted to talk about the World Cup, as I’ve only just started to get over another 120 minutes of hell followed by a penalty knock out.

Wanted to rant about those FUCKING Thames Valley Water adverts. “Look how much water we’re gonna save” Yeah, with new pipes in 2010, after your record profit announcement and a kicking from Ofwat.

Wanted to briefly mention my new job like a total geeky blogger.

Wanted to end this post with a bit of humour. So, imagine some amusing comments and pretend that I wrote them.

Colon open bracket times one thousand

Coming up with snappy observations and witty one liners about everyday life is harder than you think.