Ah, I love the internet. As I write, I’m currently listening to loads of Myspace nonsense. Bizarre ambient dance, geeky art rock and power pop (oh yeah, The Sounds fucking rule). Anyway, that’s what the internet is all about. Sharing information, making music, art, writing and ideas freely available to everyone. It absolutely rules. It’s the best interactive porn-mag you’ve ever owned. It’s the most extensive music magazine you’ve ever read. It’s the greatest encyclopedia you’ve ever set your eyes on. I can’t say enough good stuff about it. Freedom of the internet is imperative if, as human beings we actually want to progress. Seriously. It’s the best thing man has invented since Rowntree decided to put letters on the inside of Smarties lids.
Anyway, with all good things must come crap. Adverts, banners, pop up windows and sponsorships seep into every corner of the internet. The ability for people to distribute masses of child porn is also a slightly pesky problem, but I think this is blown out of all proportion just so governments can justify enforcing censorship on the net. Spam email is also problematic. Write your email address anywhere on the net and within a week you’re being asked if you “really want to lay the pipe to her”, “consolidate or your loans into one easily repayable monthly charge you irresponsible loser!”. However, the bit of spam I got the other day was a little more noteworthy than the normal shite. It came from ‘Grant Public Officer’ and reads:
ATTN: Grant Beneficiary,
This is to bring to your information that your email has been randomly selected and approved as a charity grant beneficiary of LADY DIANA CHARITY FOUNDATION. You are awarded a grant sum of £3,555,000.00 (Three Million Five Hundred And Fifty Five Thousand Great Britain Pounds)
Then a bit about who I need to write to followed by:
Congratulations once again from the entire staff of LADY DIANA CHARITY FOUNDATION and it is our hope that you will appreciate our gesture and judiciously spend your grant.
Miss Emily Fletcher,
PUBLIC RELATIONS OFFICER,
GRANT AWARD DEPARTMENT,
LADY DIANA CHARITY FOUNDATION
569 EUSTON ROAD, LONDON, NW1 3AR
So, I’ve been randomly selected to be awarded £3 million? Wicked, since giving up my job I need a bit of extra cash. I might even go crazy and by a new pair of trainers.